The great Cullen erase
by bluefox816
Summary: What happens when a sadistic vampire erases the cullens memories? Find out in this story!
1. Chapter 1

This is a warning for anyone reading this story. I am not a fan of twilight, nor have I even read any of the books. I just learned the names of the characters and went with it. This story is purely for humor.

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It was around noon, or possibly closer to midnight, when in the depths of the forest that the Cullens lived in there came an enourmous and suspiciously evil laugh. "MUAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Duncan exclaimed, loud enough to send all the birds near his small cabin into flight. "I've finished! After all of these years, I've finally finished the requirements for my power! Now I can start having some fun with those goddamn Cullens! I can't wait!" Duncan was a boy, around thirteen, around the average height for his age, though maybe a little thin, with blonde hair. The only thing unusual about him was that he was strikingly attractive. Why? He was a vampire, of course. He was sitting at a table in his cabin, and on the table is what seemed to be an extremely detailed map of the forest. In his hand he was holding a scale model figurine to his forest board that looked exactly like Bella. "I was frustrated when a new Cullen came into the mix," He said with a grin on his face, "it takes me forever to finish one of these miniatures. But now I'm done, and the game can begin!" Duncan was referring, of course, to his vampiric power. It was a bit of an unusual one, and a hard one to use, but if he could get it going, the results were tremendous. Oh, you want to know what the power is? Well, I guess this story wouldn't make much sense without it, so I'll tell you. Duncan's power is that he can erase the memories of people and control the selected people however he wishes. The requirement to his power is that he has to have a board of the area the people are in, and miniatures of the people. And he has to make them himself. Ever since he heard of the Cullens, he has disliked them, and immediately started to build the requirements for his power on them. He had nearly finished, too, when that stupid vampire had to go and get married. What? They had a child, too? Oh, well, he'll deal with her later. Anyways, what was I writing about? Oh, yes, his power. So, he had just finished his last model, and was beginning his brainwash session. He grabbed all of the figures he had made, and a blue light started to flow into them. Then, red light started to come out, as if the blue light was displacing it. Soon, there was no more red light coming out of any of the figures. "Hee hee," He said gleefully, "They're all done. No more memories in any of them. Now… I move on to stage two." He said, grabbing the figures.

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This is the end of chapter one, but chapter two will be up very soon. And trust me, this gets funny. Bear with me, okay? Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

This is the second chapter of my no-resource Twilight fiction. Please comment!!! I don't know what I'm doing and I need some help!!

Duncan grabbed the figures and placed them in random areas of the forest. He made a special note to put the vampire that got married in the poisonous jungle. He then muttered the word, "move," and all of the (Temporarily unconscious) vampires teleported to the location he put their figures on. He glanced at the board and noticed one of them was in a tree.*****

"Whazzu?" Emmet said groggily as he woke up. "OOooouuwww? I don't remember my bed being this poky." He sat up, and nearly fell out of the pine tree he was in. "Whoa!!!!! What am I doing here? He asked, looking down at the ground below.*****

"Mmmmmmm?" Rosalie said as she got up from the floor. "What's going on?? Why am I here? What the heck is that?" She said, seeing a figure move in the shadows. She warily walked over and peered over the bushes, and saw….. Jasper. "Hmmmmm?" She said, looking at him, "Who're you?"*****

Jasper woke up and jumped to his feet. "What's going on…" He said to himself. Oh well, he thought, no time for questions. He started walking around, trying to find out where he was, when someone poked her head through the bush. "Who're you?" She asked him, as if she had any right to know.*****

Bella woke up in a clearing, and although she didn't know what she had lost, she felt extremely sad. Without even getting up, she began to cry uncontrollably.*****

Edward woke up to a poisonus scorpion on his face, which he quickly swatted off. "What the hell?" He said to no one in particular. He stood up, and looked around at the purple spotted trees and giant bugs walking around. He grabbed a stick and swatted away at the ones near his feet. He was in the poisonous jungle, but he didn't know how he knew that.*****

Duncan smiled, watching from his cabin at the chaos he had created. He felt he had done a good job for today, and he was tired after using his power, so maybe he would go for a quick nap………

End of chapter two. Hope you like it!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three!!! Thank you to redfox816 for being the first commenter and helping me with all of the many things I don't know about twilight!

Duncan woke up to the sound of thumping on his roof. He sat up and looked to see if anyone had gotten into his cabin while he was asleep and was causing the strange sound. The cabin looked intact, so he started walking to the door to see what it was. Perhaps it was an injured bird, because as much as Duncan hated people, he liked animals more than anything. He got outside and looked up to see the face of a female vampire peering over his roof.*****

"Do I know you?" Alice asked the boy who had just come out of the cabin. She had woken up some time before, and was walking around trying to get an idea of where she was. She just now realized that she was on a roof, probably on top of this kid's house. "Oh, I'm sorry," She apologized before he had a chance to respond to her first question, and she jumped off the roof in front of him. "My name is Alice."*****

"Alice…" Duncan said to himself, the name sounding familiar. "WAAAAAH!" He exclaimed. "C-c-Cullen!!!!" He ran into his cabin and shut the door. Because of his power, he spent all of his time making miniatures, which means he would hands down lose in a fight to any of the Cullens.*****

"Hmm?" Alice said, confused. "Cullen? That sounds familiar….. Maybe that boy knows what's going on," She said, knocking on his door.*****

"Geez," Emmett said, jumping down from his tree. If this was Jasper, I am going to kill him. Hey, where is everybody?" He said, scanning the selected area. "OH! I know!" He said gleefully, "This must be an adventure! I'll keep a journal of my progress, and—…huh?" He stopped in mid-sentence when he heard growling coming from a nearby bush. Before he could do anything, the bush started to rustle, and out came…. Care Bears! They walked towards him, muttering in a zombie like tone, "We love you. We love youuuu." Emmet began to get a bit nervous, when a cute little snugglebunny hopped onto the bath. "Awwwww…" Emmett said. The Care Bears seemed less pleased, and one of them picked the bunny up. "Listen," it snarled, "I thought we told you no to come around here. This is OUR turf." It said, slapping the bunny several times. "Y-yessir," the bunny gasped, "Sorry sir. I got lost and…" "Just get out of here!" The Care Bear roared, throwing the bunny to the ground. "And don't come back!" When the Care Bears turned back, Emmett was gone, having escapes while they were dealing with the Snugglebunny.*****

Confusion! Fear! Care Bears! And did anyone else notice Emmett still has his memories?? Continued in chapter four!!!


	4. Chapter 4

FINALLY, CHAPTER FOUR. SORRY FOR NOT WRITING FOR SO LONG, BUT ITS ALL GOOD NOW!!!

Duncan was behind his door, panting from adrenalin and hoping that the blasted Cullen would just GO AWAY. He slumped down onto the floor, before realizing that the vampire outside of his house had no idea of who he is, and besides, her memory was erased. Of course, him shouting Cullen in her face could have stirred up some of the dormant memories, which would only be bad news for him. "Idiot!" He exclaimed to himself, before looking back up at the door. "How on earth am I going to handle this?"*****

Emmett was hiding behind a bush, having narrowly escaped a pack of... care bears. "Hmmmm..." Emmett said to himself, "This could be the perfect spot to start my journal from!" He exclaimed, and pulled out a pen and notebook, seemingly from out of thin air. He quickly started to scribble in his notebook. _**Dear Diar- I mean journal. This is my first entry into you, So I guess I have to introduce myself. My name is Emmett, and from now on, you will be my adventure di- I mean, journal. My first step in this great adventure, was I woke up in a tree. I have no idea how I got there, but when I jumped down, I ran into a pack of scary bears, of the caring variety. Alright, alright, they were just care bears, but they were SCARY! They saw me, and were about to kill me with kindness, when a snugglebunny came up. He saved my life, distracting the care bears as I made my, uh, strategic retreat. I will write soon, adventure dia- journal, so stay patient**__. _Emmett finished his entry, and started walking around the forest, looking for something new to tell his new friend, the journal.*****

Bella was in the meadow, feeling depressed, when out of nowhere, jumped a little snugglebunny. "Oh," It exclaimed, in its cute squeaky voice, "Hello there, stranger lady. You look sad, what's wrong?" "I…. Don't know," Bella admitted sadly. "I just feel like I'm missing something." "Oh…." She snugglebunny muttered. "Hey, you know what I do when I'm sad? I sing the hamtaro theme song." "What?" Bella said, surprised. "Sing it with me!" The snugglebunny said cheerily, starting to sing. Suddenly cheered up by the hamtaro theme song, Bella groped flamboyantly in Edwards direction. Of course, she didn't know that at the time. "So," Bella said, now in a good mood. "What brings you here, little bunny?" "Well," The bunny said slowly, "Me and my friends are starting a rebellion against our care bear oppressors. Would you like to join our cause?"*****

THIS IS THE END OF CHAPTER FOUR, BUT THE SEEDS OF WAR ARE BEGINNING TO GROW BETWEEN THE SNUGGLEBUNNIES AND THE CARE BEARS. WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!!?!!?!?


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